Let's All Pretend This Is War
by FlyingShibaInu
Summary: The paintball war begins.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I have no idea why this was written, but it was written and written with zero planning. Enjoy this unplanned thing!**

**Rest assured, all the guns mentioned in this story are fake.**

* * *

In hindsight, Miles should have seen it coming.

He gave it his all. His enemies gave it their all, as well. Green and blue splattered and stained all that was near, and they fought, and ran, while clinging onto their own (yet common) goals.

All is fair in love and fair, he supposed. A bit of sweat and tears. Some betrayal, some blind faith. A lot of stakes. All would be worth it.

The paintball war where who wins gets the limited edition box set, and ultra-rare decks of cards, and licensed cosplay costumes, and figurines in various sizes, and art books with the signature of Will Powers and the global studio team themselves, and the steel samurai spear, and the Iron Infant doll with the exact same appearance and quality as the one in the sho-

"Psh, Mr. Edgeworth, focus!" A voice said in a hushed tone. Right, he shouldn't be spacing out on the battlefield.

"... Apologies, Miss Fey," Miles said and checked the airsoft shotgun in his hands once more, round purple bullets waiting to be fired.

...

"I don't think I can do this..." Sebastian set more barricade to a hole on the wall. Their plan was to lay low and attack from afar.

"Nope, you can! Just trust me." Kay settled on the branch of a tree. She looked into the rifle scopes. "Quite sure Mr. Edgeworth was around there. The Purple Team sure hide really well... I expect no less from Mr. Edgeworth, of course." She then looked more to the left and saw That Man running across the field. She snickered. "Team Blue is pathetic. I bet you ten bucks. They'll go down first."

"Are you sure? There was Ms. von Karma..." Sebastian gave his own rifle a hesitant glance, afraid to even hold it in his hand.

"Nah, they'll go down quick." Kay grinned. "That Man might shine brilliantly in Mr. Edgeworth's eyes, but Team Purple will rise above Team Blue with the generous helping hand of Team Yellow."

"But we are Team Yellow!" Sebastian protested.

Kay shrugged. "Obviously, duh."

...

"Mr. Nick will pay!" Pearl pointed the lightweight pistol at the field where Phoenix had just run across. "How did he give up on Mystic Maya like that?"

"Well, pal," Gumshoe twirled the pistol around his index finger. "To his defense, Ms. von Karma insisted he joined her team."

"And Mr. Ed-ji-werth will pay! He, he stole Mystic Maya and, and eloped!" Pearl then threw her ball away.

Gumshoe scratched his head. "Umm... isn't that your favorite ball, pal? It has the Steel Samurai sticker on it..."

...

Phoenix observed the ball rolling passed his hiding place. "Welp, now we know where Pearls is."

Franziska held tight onto her M-96, leaning against the wall. "Team Green will not be victorious."

Phoenix himself was wondering why his AK-47 was so heavy. "What? A personal grudge against Gumshoe?"

"Foolish fool! Scruffy will assist Miles Edgeworth in any way he can!" Franziska might have whipped Phoenix if she had the whip with her. "And little Miss Fey will help Miss Fey, without a doubt."

"Oh." Phoenix nodded. "True. You're right."

"Naturally."

...

Let the war begins.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Yet more unplanned thing from me.**

**You got hit three times and you have to leave the game. Your gun will become your teammate's.**

* * *

Pearl loved her ball too much she ended up running after it. Gumshoe had no choice but to run after her.

Maya knelt back down and looked at her partner. "Psh, Mr. Edgeworth, do you have any plans?"

"Let's determine our current situation." Miles checked his shotgun for like the tenth time already. "Kay and Sebastian will protect us."

"That's a lot of faith."

"I am confident. However, I do not know if it is a good thing."

Then they heard a 'foolish fools!' and a semi-automatic gun firing and a 'kyaa!' and a 'whoop pal'.

"Franziska wants to get rid of Team Green," Miles said. "As expected."

…

Franziska held the trigger as her gun fired bullets and painted all the walls and trees in light blue. She was running after them. No bullets hit them yet. How annoying. She had never expected Gumshoe to be so good at dodging bullets.

"This way, pal." Gumshoe grabbed Pearl's hand and swung her. Using the momentum, he hid behind a nearby tree and Pearl landed on his lap.

"My ball!" Pearl picked the ball up. "Phew."

"Fools!" Franziska shouted. Coward Phoenix Wright was nowhere near her. She was in an open field.

A trigger was pulled.

Franziska raised her gun to protect her chest. It was now stained with yellow color. She almost lost one life.

"Hmph." She had no choice but to retreat.

…

"Nick will help us," Maya said. "Right?"

Miles nodded. "He has no reason to win, and he does not want to be dragged around by Franziska. I am sure defying her would be a great feeling for him."

"You're so evil, Mr. Edgeworth."

...

"Whip lady, how dare you try to hurt Gummy!" Kay raised her fist.

"Umm," Sebastian kept blocking the holes on the walls with long planks. "Shouldn't we let them kill each other?"

"We can't let Gummy go down. Team Purple needs him, I know." Kay reloaded her rifle. "And I need to warn Team Blue that we are not allies, and that Gummy is a part of us!"

"I hope you're right."

…

"Phoenix Wright!" Franziska barged into their hiding place. "Why did you waste the perfect opportunity to crus-"

"I know where they are."

"What?"

"I know where they are. The sniper." Phoenix had a confident smile. "We need to form allies."

...

"You know Franzy is out for our blood," Maya said. "Especially yours."

"We need to get rid of her. We shoot her on sight," Miles said. "As for Gumshoe and Pearls…"

"They're unpredictable."

"Yes." Miles frowned. "As much as I want to trust them… We can only trust Wright and Team Yellow."

…

"Hey, Mister and Miss?"

Sebastian and Kay looked at a visitor. Pearl was raising both of her arms, one hand holding a pistol. She came in peace.

Since Sebastian was on the ground, he was the one doing the greeting. "Hello, uh. Why are you alone? Where is your teammate?"

"He's distracting the whip lady! And I ran here," Pearl said. "Whip lady wants to hurt Gumshoe and Mystic Maya. I don't want that! Can we be allies?"

"Team Yellow accepts anyone who is on Team Purple's side!" Kay grinned.

"I will protect Mystic Maya from all evil!"

"Okay, Sebastian, let her in."

Sebastian nodded. He removed some planks and turned around-

To see Pearl pointing the pistol at him.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: They are all wearing masks and protective gear and body armor and everything. I'm too lazy to describe it.**

* * *

Maya and Miles was moving, trying to find Team Yellow. There seemed to be something going on. There were some shouting and gunshots.

"There you guys are!" Gumshoe came out from behind a tree. He approached them with both arms in the air. "Phew. Can I join your team, pal?"

Maya pointed the shotgun at him. "Stay there!"

"Why, why are you here, Detective?" Miles asked. He couldn't stop the shaking of his voice, and the gun in his hands shook too.

"Special circumstance, sir." Gumshoe looked down. "Pearl and Ms. von Karma- I have to protect you, sir!"

"Pearly?" Maya asked. "Nope, no way."

"Okay." Miles nodded. "I trust him."

"Eh?"

"He might not look like it, but Detective Gumshoe is one of the best on the force."

"Hey, that's mean, pal."

"Gumshoe would have gotten rid of all our lives before you even have a chance to point a gun at him." Miles looked at Gumshoe. "So yes, we form a team, for now."

A ball came out of nowhere and hit Miles' head.

Maya caught the ball. There was a Steel Samurai sticker on it. "Pearly, no!"

"Mystic Maya, stay away from Mr. Ed-ji-werth!" Pearl pointed the pistol at Miles.

"Hmph." Miles also pointed the shotgun at Pearl. "I am not above attacking a child."

Gumshoe grabbed Pearl's wrist and dragged her away.

"Uhh uwaa?" It took Pearl a few seconds to realise what was happening. "No! I need to get Mr. Ed-ji-werth away from Mystic Maya!"

"Not happening, pal."

Gumshoe continued to drag her away until they disappeared from sight.

"At least they didn't shoot each other," Maya said. "It'd be a waste."

"Heyo, Edgeworth!"

They turned to the direction of the voice. "Wright."

"I know where Kay is," Phoenix said. "You guys want to find her, right?"

"Correct." Miles stepped forward. "Lead the way."

"Mr. Edgeworth?" Maya asked. "What about me?"

"Go help Gumshoe. Pearl should listen to you," Miles said. "Okay, Wright. Let's go."

…

"Almost there," Phoenix said. "Actually, let's rest a bit."

"We can't waste time," Miles said. "There seemed to be a commotion earlier…"

Phoenix pointed the gun at Miles.

Maya jumped and tackled Phoenix to the ground. She pointed the shotgun at his back and fired.

"Ow!" Phoenix cried. "I thought it won't hurt."

"You are a bad, bad man, Nick." Maya was still pointing the gun at Phoenix. "You betrayed Mr. Edgeworth's trust."

"It's not a betrayal if we haven't even agreed to anything."

Phoenix was stronger than he looked. He sat back up, forcing Maya to fall out from his back. He then pointed the assault rifle at her.

"Oww!" Phoenix cried again as he was attacked by a shotgun once more, but not by Maya.

"I am disappointed, Wright." Miles shook his head, the gun ready to fire again. "I thought we are friends."

"Sorry," Phoenix said, not sorry at all, both arms raised. "But this time, I want to be the master."

"I thought you are fighting to get Mystic Maya back!" There was Pearl, with her pistol pointing at Phoenix.

Phoenix had a nervous grin. "Well- Um- Pearls, yes. That's what I'm here for!"

Pearl touched her chest where the magatama was. Her surprised face changed into a glare. "What's up with three psyche locks, Mr. Nick?!"

Phoenix ran away and Pearl managed to shoot him in the back.

"... That didn't hurt!" Phoenix said. He now has purple and lime green on his back. "Guess I'm out, so bye." He smirked. "Good luck, Team Purple. Franziska is very mad. Kay isn't very happy, either!"


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I'm still not sure where this is going?**

* * *

The three stood in the field. Maya didn't feel sad or betrayed or anything like that, unlike the other two.

"Mr. Nick doesn't love Mystic Maya…"

"Wright, Wright, Wright…"

This was awkward. Maya looked around. "Where is Gumshoe?"

"I ran here, so I didn't know..." Pearl was sulking.

"Let's go meet Kay. We can follow along this path," Miles said. "I don't know if Wright had shown me the correct way, but it is all we have. Kay should be somewhere…"

"I'm not going."

"P- Pearly?" Maya asked. "Why not?"

"Ms. Kay hates me now. I killed her friend, after all." Pearl looked down. "Go without me."

"Pearls," Miles began as he knelt down. "You should know that Miss Fey and I do not hold a grudge for something minor such as this. If you are afraid, we can talk to Kay. I would not let her attack you."

Pearl shook her head. "It's not that I'm scared of her, Mr. Ed-ji-werth, but I know I was bad. I'd rather distract the whip lady for you guys."

Maya gasped. "That's suicide!"

"I know." Pearl still wouldn't back down. "When you meet Ms. Kay and Gummy, you can form a big team and take down the whip lady! So let me do this for you!"

Miles nodded. "Do your best, Pearls."

"Mr. Edgeworth!"

"Please protect Mystic Maya," Pearl said.

"I will."

Pearl stared at him for a while, then she nodded. "Thank you so much. I'll go now!"

Maya smiled. "Good luck, Pearly."

Pearl waved them goodbye and walked away into the field.

After a minute or two of walking, Pearl could hear some gunshots. She was heading there.

"I can do this, for Mystic Maya…" Pearl said to herself. Maya would be safer. She also had Miles there with her. "... Maybe you are the knight Mystic Maya needs…"

…

"Fools!"

Gumshoe hid behind a tree. How many trees had he hidden behind? The whole place would be covered in blue paint if this continued.

Franziska ran forward when he hid for too long, and that's when he could fire back, but she was no fool and hid behind trees in time.

Gumshoe knew they were equal. It would be a stalemate.

...

"Kay!" Miles called her.

Kay was on the tree, a rifle in hand. One rifle was leaned against the tree. It was stained with green paint. Like Phoenix had said, she didn't look happy.

"Hey, Kay!" Maya said. "Hello?"

Kay aimed and fired.

Miles grabbed Maya's wrist and pulled her down. He was lucky a crate was nearby.

The tree behind them was now splattered in yellow paint.

"Woah," Maya said.

"Kay," Miles said to the sniper. "Why are you doing this?"

"Why did Pearl attacked us?" Kay asked back.

"There was…" A misunderstanding? Betrayal of trust? Miles exchanged glances with Maya. He had no idea.

"You want to win," Kay said. "Alone, with your purple friend. You have to get rid of me eventually anyway, yeah? And you don't trust me to survive that long."

"Kay." Miles peeked up, only to hide again as the bullet passed above his head.

"You can't hide for long, Mr. Edgeworth, Maya. Franziska will come to get you."

"Why, Kay?" Maya spoke up. "Pearl did it on her own, didn't she?"

"With Franziska, who was with That Man," Kay corrected. "And That Man is your certain friend, isn't that right, Mr. Prosecutor?"

Miles winced. That nickname kind hurt.

"Sebastian's will is my will. He wants me to survive." Kay reloaded the bullet. "I have my own vendetta, my vow."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: This is ending soon, probably.**

* * *

"So we're waiting, huh?" Maya asked.

"Yes." Miles looked up at the sky. "We are waiting… until then, let's make a plan."

"Maybe you have too many of those?"

"We absolutely must win. You should know that."

Miles tapped a finger to his temple and worked his Logic.

Shotguns couldn't shoot people on the trees. They knew that. But a detective's pistol can, and an M-96 can.

Either they had to get Gumshoe and Pearl to help, or ask Franziska. Unlikely. Or get Kay down from that tree. Also unlikely.

"Or climb the tree," Maya said.

"No," Miles said.

"Come on! Sneak up on her. She wouldn't expect someone else on the tree with her."

"... I'll think about it."

If Franziska was heading here, Gumshoe and Pearl should be heading here too. What if both of them could take down Franziska together? Then they could all fight Kay.

If not, at least Gumshoe would be a great ally to have right now.

…

Franziska ran after Gumshoe, and when he shot back, she leaned against a tree for cover.

Franziska knew where Kay was now and she was trying to go there. Kay could help her. Was she still fighting Pearl? Or Phoenix? Or possibly Team Purple. Franziska smirked.

"Whip lady!"

"What?" Franziska looked to her left and saw Pearl holding a pistol.

"You tried to hurt Gummy. Do you remember that? Let Gummy go...!"

…

Gumshoe ran.

He had lost his only chance to be on the upper hand. Franziska probably knew they would gang up on her, and she got rid of Pearl quick, too quick.

Pearl managed to shoot Franziska only once before being hit with rain of bullets and fell down to the ground. Franziska was brutal.

Franziska had teamed up with Pearl, he knew that, so why were they fighting now? What about Phoenix?

Gumshoe wasn't sure which side was which anymore, but he knew Miles would have it all figured out. It didn't matter which side Miles was on.

Gumshoe would follow him to the end of the world.

…

Team Purple wasn't coming out of their hiding place. It was so quiet. This was boring.

There was a rustling sound of grass and leaves, and Kay snapped her head to look at where the sound came from. Gumshoe was standing there.

"Kay! Long time no se- yeooww!" Gumshoe hid behind a tree. "That was close, pal! Why did you?"

"Again with the why." Kay reloaded her rifle. "You are in the same team as Pearl!"

"... And?"

"Argg!" Kay huffed. "I will win, get it? So you will die!"

"That…" Gumshoe trailed off. "Ohh, oh...! Uhh that doesn't make any sense... pal!"

Kay tilted her head. That was weird.

Gumshoe ran to a closer hiding place, a concrete wall. Kay aimed and fired but he ducked and took cover in time. Gumshoe was too good at this!

"So uhh," Gumshoe began from behind the barricade. "Where's the Sebastian kid?"

"Pearl killed her," Kay said.

"And Mr. Wright?"

"How would I know?"

"Okay!" Gumshoe sounded happy all of a sudden. "So, Kay, did you know I got really high scores on firearm training like this?"

"Huh? I guess you would, Gummy."

"So I'm sorry, pal."

Kay didn't have time to think about that sentence.

She was being hugged from behind.

And she was falling from the tree.

"Got ya, Kay."

Even though Kay managed to shoot the upside down Miles once, it didn't feel like a victory.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Last chapter!**

* * *

Both Kay and Maya hit the ground and rolled on fallen leaves before they stopped, confused and disoriented.

Maya's plan, their plan, worked. He couldn't believe it. Miles placed a hand on the yellow paint on his stomach. "Well, that hurts."

Another bullet from nowhere hit him on the shoulder. Miles knelt down and used Kay as a shield. The attack stopped. That was low, Miles knew… but all is fair in love and war, truly, a means to an end, an honorable sacrifice, a martyrs-

Franziska scowled. Her target was hiding, so she aimed at the other person instead, Maya Fey. She pulled the trigger.

Someone was in front of her.

Gumshoe grabbed the barrel of the assault rifle and pointed it at himself.

Franziska held the trigger in shock. There were gasps from behind Gumshoe, and a 'Detective!' and a 'No, Gumshoe!' But she only heard the sound of gunshots until the gun was emptied.

Soon, Gumshoe was kneeling on the floor with a hand covering his stomach, much like Miles earlier. "Ow ow ow… Really hurts, pal."

...

Gumshoe's great sacrifice gave Maya the perfect opportunity to shoot Franziska in the face. Once. Pumped that thing under the shotgun gosh that made her feel so cool. Once more. And that's it. Pearl had shot Franziska before, so only two was needed.

"Bang shnrk-snrk bang!" Maya said with a grin. "You're out!"

It was surreal, the greatest enemy, was down!

Maya pumped her fist into the air. Two people just died but like she cared. She just took down the Disney Princess of von Karma herself.

...

Miles stood in front of Kay, aiming his shotgun at her. Kay's rifle was far away.

"Just shoot, Mr. Edgeworth," Kay said.

"Do you have any last words?" Miles asked. "I will also say a sentence so you would not be alone."

Kay nodded and smiled "Sebastian, I did my best…"

"I am not above attacking a teenage girl," Miles said. "Good bye."

* * *

[The interview]

Sebastian: Holding a gun in my hand gives me a bad feeling… I'm glad to be killed so soon, if anything... At least I won the bet.

Phoenix: I can explain! You see, Maya and Edgeworth always geek about the kid show and gang up on me to make fun of me, so… Figure this game prizes would be valuable items to bargain. No burger every other day or ridiculous waggy fingers! They'll kneel before me and do as I say.

Pearl: Mr. Nick is terrible. He wants all the toys and CDs to himself! He is unfaithful to Mystic Maya!

Gumshoe: In the end, I didn't do much, pal. I could shoot many of them, but… I feel so guilty imagining myself shooting at unarmed civilians, pal.

Franziska: Foolish fools! Little Miss Fey is a fool! Phoenix Wright is a fool! Scruffy is a fool! Will I ever win against that fool?

Kay: Sigh… I do want to help Mr. Edgeworth, but… I thought we are all going to work together and take down Franziska like she's the ultimate boss. And I thought Pearl worked for Maya, so when she killed Sebastian I thought Mr. Edgeworth betrayed me! But Pearl was fighting Whip lady just a moment before… So I fight for Sebastian. It's easier. Oh right, ten bucks.

Miles: We won, as expected. The outcome was to be expected since we tried so hard.

Maya: Hoo boy, how did we win? I have no idea what I'm doing most of the time.

Miles: You jumped on two people on separate occasions. You also pulled the trigger three times.

Maya: Yeah, I know. Standing on your shoulders and jumping the leap of faith to the branch Kay was sitting on? Whew!

Miles: It was dangerous.

Maya: But it worked!

Miles: … Can I go home?

Maya: To bury yourself in merchandises? Me too, me too.

...

The End.

* * *

**A/N: Well, it ends. All of the chapters were in a "written and posted on the same day" thing, meaning that if I write chapter 4, I have to finish it in a day and post immediately, not waiting to fix or edit or anything. I do wonder if I should edit/revise this someday though.**


End file.
